It’s a Daddy-Daughter Thing
We’re all familiar, in one way or another, with the special and unique relationship between a dad and his daughter. It tends to show itself most prominently at weddings in the father-daughter dance. The DJ plays a special song like “I Loved Her First,” by Heartland, or Bob Carlisle’s “Butterfly Kisses,” or one of many other great selections about a Daddy and his little girl. It’s a bittersweet kind of moment when a father actually gives his daughter away and transfers his responsibility to the love and care of some unworthy “kid.” It’s a beautiful thing when a dad’s eyes leak all over as he holds his grown-up baby girl, wearing her ultimate princess dress, as they share a special moment in front of dozens of teary-eyed witnesses.
I imagine it to be a moment of joy, but mingled with a punch to the gut…a feeling of being happy for her, but mostly of not wanting to let her go. I say that I “imagine,” because I have yet to experience that moment for myself. You see, I am a father to five children and have three “baby girls,” 16, 10, and 8. And you shouldn’t imagine that when those days come for me, it will look much like dancing, but more like holding on for dear life, crying my eyes out, with maybe a little foot shuffling. And on one level, I look forward to those days, but mostly, my heart wishes it would never come.
What It’s All About
I have the privilege of enjoying one of the best realities in all of creation, even in a world that is fallen: the love that I have for my daughters, which is perhaps outdone only by their great love for me. To be treated as their hero, their snuggle buddy, the one whose hand they want to hold, the one they often randomly hug or smile at, the one they want to sit with (or on), the one they greet with excitement and affection when I walk through the door, it is a daily experience of parental pleasure that is truly a gift from God. They love their mom too, but it’s different. I’m pretty sure I’m their favorite, which isn’t fair, but I won’t complain.
This is the sweetness of God’s wonderful design. A baby girl, born to married Christian parents, has the potential to express so much of God’s beauty in this life. It can’t be perfect, but with God’s Word and the sanctifying work of the Spirit in a family, it has the possibility of exceeding anything unbelieving dads and daughters could ever know. True love is from God and only believers can truly experience it and show it because we are born of God who is Himself, love (1 John 4:7-8). And since that is true, there is greater glory and higher joys in the love of a Christian home than the world could ever hope to know. A lot of non-Christian dads think they have a special relationship with their daughters, and thankfully common grace allows for a kind of common familial love.
But God’s people know that we have a special love that is not common or worldly. It is a love that has God as its source. It is a stronger bond than a temporal sentimental feeling. Ours is a love that is informed by God’s Word and when combined with a mutual love of the Savior, there is nothing better in this life. This is true of our church family also, but its pinnacle is when husbands, wives, and children, the most fundamental expression of the image, character, and purposes of God, live with love for one another
Christian Parenting
A Christian home is where children learn about God from their parents, but especially their fathers. This is why an absent or unbelieving father has such unsettling and detrimental effects. A daughter is supposed to learn about God and his purposes from a father who is positioned to represent Him to her. A father is commissioned as the head of his household, having representative headship in the form of delegated authority and leadership that is called to love like Christ. That love is to be a model for his sons for how to be a godly husband, and for his daughters, what kind of husband she should want.
Fathers establish the direction and the boundaries of the household. He places high and appropriate expectations for his children, and he disciplines them in the fear and instruction of the Lord. He is tough and puts them to work. He provides for the physical and spiritual needs of his family. He protects them from physical and spiritual threats. He commands obedience. He communicates his disappointment and disapproval when they fall short. He spanks his girls when they are young so that they learn that sin brings pain… a short-term discomfort for the sake of long-term peaceful fruit (Heb. 12:11). He tells them “no,” a lot. But he also communicates the forgiveness of Christ and the joy of being a part of God’s family. The pleasures of life in the family of God, joy and laughter, should also be a father’s gift to his children as our Father delights to give good gifts to His children (Matt. 7:11).
And when it comes to fathers, you can’t leave out an all-important key…a wife that submits to, respects, supports, loves, and promotes the leadership of her husband to her children. When you have all those elements, a young girl has what she needs to flourish and be happy in the love and safety of a Christian home. And the result of that is a beautiful love and affection for their father. That’s what it’s supposed to be, and the beauty of their unique feminine love is a glorious thing.
In order to enjoy the fruit of a close and affectionate relationship with our daughters, it begins with a solid foundation of who is in charge. It starts with roles and authority. When parents establish through discipline, who is in charge, who makes the decisions, who sets the expectations, who obeys without whining…and that it isn’t the child, then the order and peace of the home is set, and everything flows from there. And unsurprisingly, it is the same way with God and His children.
When we understand who God is, the Almighty and King of Creation, the Sovereign Lord of all who is our Father in heaven, and we are His children, the nature of our relationship becomes clear. He is good and He is in charge. He establishes the Law for our good and His glory. He provides for and protects us. He gives us good work to do. His Word shows us our sin and the path of repentance. He leads us through life and allows us to go through hardship and sometimes suffering for our good. He is kind to us and receives us with forgiveness and joy. His is a law of love and we are responsible to obey Him and follow Him without whining or grumbling. We submit to Him and honor our Father in word and deed. And when we do…when we live in a right relationship with God in Christ, we have joy, peace, and flourishing. We love Him more and more each day. We long to be with Him and we are privileged to call Him “Abba,” a name of childhood endearment like “Daddy.” We can go to Him anytime with our needs and wants, our hopes, and our dreams. We want Him to be happy with us, and we delight to be with Him.
Grateful
As I reflect on these things at this late evening hour, I’m grateful. I’m proud of my girls for the young ladies they are becoming, but mostly I’m grateful to God for His grace to me and to them. I’m grateful that God has given them to me to steward for Him. I’m grateful that they are avoiding the confusion, chaos, and abuse of the world that is bent on harming women and children. I’m grateful that God designed life with the graces of family love and joy. I’m grateful for hugs, smiles, and snuggles. I’m grateful to God for my wife and the partnership we have in like-minded parenting. And I’m grateful for the coming days when I will give my daughters away and cry to some sappy father-daughter song.
It’s gonna hurt… but I’m grateful that it will be because of the love that God has built in us by His grace.
It’s gonna hurt…but I’m grateful that it’s supposed to.
Thanks be to God for my girls.
