A pastor has an immense responsibility before God and those whom he’s charged to lead. James, our Lord’s brother, was the pastor of the early Jerusalem church, and he warned his listeners “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” (James 3:1, ESV). It is a high calling reserved for a few qualified men. With it come many joys, but also many burdens that are unique to the office.
In many jobs, a worker can come home and be temporarily relieved of his vocational responsibilities while enjoying his family, church, or leisure. However, a diligent pastor is on call 24/7, in addition to sharing in emotional and spiritual burdens of those in his charge.
I’m not a pastor, but in five decades of church life, I have served with and sat under the ministries of 9 “senior pastors” (not including co-elders), in churches ranging from 100 to 1500 members, in several Protestant denominations. These men had differing personalities and gifts, but they all shared the same stresses and similar reactions to how their congregations responded to them, both positively and negatively. I’ve thought hard about how best to encourage these hardworking men who have given so much of their lives for God’s kingdom, so that their work may be a joy, and not a burden (Hebrews 13:17). Here are 6 of those thoughts.
Submit to Their Leadership
Hebrews 13:17 says “Obey your leaders and submit to them for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”
A pastor’s sphere of authority derives from and is limited to the Word of God. Still, he spends many hours during the week studying it to be able to impart God’s authority into our lives through sermons and personal interactions. Yes, there are indeed no more priests except Christ, and our ultimate authority is Scripture, but the pastor does a lot of heavy lifting and we would be foolish to dismiss his counsel. As the text says, it would be of no advantage to us.
It also brings joy to a pastor’s heart to see that his hard work produces fruit. However, nothing is more discouraging to a pastor than a congregant who refuses to listen and continues to have the same destructive issues in his or her life.
Compliment, Don’t Flatter
Proverbs 29:5 says that “he who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” A pastor welcomes constructive words of encouragement in his sermons or ministry. However, it is best not to be a “fan-boy.”
Often, church members resort to two extremes: they are either sycophantic “fan-boys” or “fan-girls,” putting him up on a pedestal, or are harsh critics and nit-pickers. Either one is destructive to both themselves and the pastor’s well-being. Pastors are human beings who struggle with the same sins we do, and these can tempt them to both pride and despair. Either extreme can also come across as bad manners and annoying. A happy medium is in order. Proverbs 15:23 says, “A person finds joy in giving an apt reply – and how good is a timely word.” We should regularly compliment our pastors but do so in well-thought-out words that are specific to something he said or did, with enough space between so that it is not rote, but a word in due season.
Offer Critique or Criticism Privately and Personally
Because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) and we should refrain from grumbling or complaining (Philippians 2:14), this should be a rare occasion. But when it is necessary, go to him privately and express your concerns. Do not gossip, slander, or complain about him to other members of the congregation, as this is sinful and stirs up dissension among brothers, which God hates (Proverbs 6:19). If you have to discuss a matter with your wife, don’t talk negatively about the pastor in front your children.
Respect His Time
Not only does the pastor have to take care of his own family well (according to 1 Timothy 3:5), but he has an extended family to minister to (his flock). To be a “high-maintenance church member” is to put additional stress on the pastor that you wouldn’t want on yourself. Yes, pastors should have relationships with church members, but we need to be considerate of others and not just our own needs.
Many pastors would be glad to spend time with you, but it needs to be reasonable and scheduled enough to allow for him to minister to others with similar needs. If he decides to let you into his orbit, that’s great. But do not force yourself on him or his schedule.
Treat His Family Normally
While a good pastor welcomes responsibility and accountability, no one relishes being in a fishbowl. But sadly, that is how some church members treat a pastor’s wife and children. Many churches are sensitive to this and work hard to make sure they are respected and welcomed, but human nature is human nature.
It’s best to not be overly scrutinizing, nor be afraid of the fishbowl effect to the point of ignoring them. If they allow you in, then treat them like any other Christian friend. With some of my pastors, I didn’t know their families well, while others were close enough that my wife babysat their children. Go with the flow, like any other relationship.
Be Loyal When They’re Challenged
In a world that is growing ever more hostile to Christianity, pastors are being called upon to be more courageous than ever. During the COVID-19 period, some Pastors took courageous stands that resulted in tangible, earthly consequences (reopening churches during lockdowns, for example), and took deeply unpopular positions that might have been controversial to their congregations. If we have placed ourselves under their leadership, we need to be fellow soldiers, standing with our commanding officers in their defense. We need to applaud such courage and do whatever we can to help if there is a fallout, such as caring for their families, both emotionally and materially. We also need to give that word in due season, letting them know they have allies and friends.
Conclusion
Being a pastor is a difficult but rewarding calling. God has placed these men in our lives for a reason. He did not leave us to be “lone-ranger Christians.” Pastors have dedicated their lives to studying and speaking forth the Word of God for our benefit. In many ways, as sheep, we can determine whether our shepherd is more joyful or more burdened. Let’s do our part and think of ways to encourage them, and do so biblically.
Header Image from FreePick
