Alien Agendas of the Academic Kind: Confessions of a Conservative Professor (and a Plea to Parents)

Remember the hero scene from the 90s film Independence Day? Deep in the alien mother ship – having stealthily flown their Trojan Horse inside – the heroes upload the computer virus, disabling the ship, rendering defenseless smaller ships on Earth, wreaking untold carnage, chaos, and catastrophe. Humanity finally had a fighting chance to send its alien agenda into the abyss.

[Actual] conservatives–conserving what’s necessary for human flourishing and the continuity of civilization–have a similar opportunity: reestablishing order and sanity, eliminating alien agendas of leftist ideologies and cultural and political Marxism, wreaking carnage, chaos, and catastrophe across our Republic.

We’re one year into the greatest comeback of America’s political and cultural spheres. Leftism was voted down–long peddled as progressivism, was always a misnomer for regression from sanity and order.

[Sane] Americans–those who put both socks on before their shoes–demanded an end to the invasion of our borders, legal and constitutional systems of order and civility, and abuse of its citizens; lawfare and political violence (RIP Charlie Kirk); not prioritizing America first; climate change worship; riots by the “mostly peaceful types”; imprisonments for those opposing baby slaughtering; demonizing whites as default racists; tampons in men’s restrooms, men in women’s sports, kidnapping children from “non-affirming” parents, and re-ordering society to accommodate delusions and fantasies; legacy media masquerading as truthtellers who breed division; perverting children in the classroom; prioritizing race and sex over merit; demonizing the traditional family, and so forth.

Screeching, scratching, and screaming from the Left might make you think the war to retain order and sanity has been achieved. Isn’t that what happens when the deeds of darkness are dragged into light? But while your leftist tears tumbler is overflowing, delightfully ruining your hardwoods, don’t ignore those faint screeching sounds (or whistles if you’re in Minneapolis). Even if they’re untethered from reality and echoing from the bottom of the barrel, the bottom is still in the barrel, which remains a threat to societal sanity.

POTUS has masterfully inundated the nation with executive orders and mandates–leading to gnashing-of-teeth across mainstream media and political elites–to orchestrate the breakdown of decades of unbridled delusions and deliriums that have led to the deterioration of our nation. His cabinet, coupled with legislative and judicial bodies, has been perfectly poised for such a time as this. But like the Independence Day heroes had to go to the source of the chaotic hemorrhaging of an alien agenda, conservatives need a tourniquet to stop a similar one.

Go ahead, challenge school boards, teachers’ unions, and libraries pushing woke agendas. Remove your kids from public school and instead, homeschool. Boycott Disney, Bud Light, and Target. Vote out political leaders supporting the merciless slaughtering of the unborn, having contempt for the traditional family, corrupting the innocence of children, denying your parental rights, and trying to Jedi-mind trick you into believing you’ll own nothing and be happy. Primary conservative politicians who are anything but conservative. Leave non-doctrinally sound woke churches. Deny your child access to leftist mush on Prime, Netflix, and YouTube. And don’t you dare give them a smartphone. But ultimately, like any disgusting cesspool, it’ll undoubtedly fill right back up–so where’s all the sewage coming from?

It’s long been debated whether culture, politics, or higher education is downstream from the other. I suggest each plants itself far upstream, with the latter often jockeying for position at the top, leaking its sewage onto the others.

I’m a bit of a unicorn: Christian, constitutional conservative, white, male, millennial. Oh, and I’m a professor who can define what a woman is. Shocking, I know.

I teach people to people. Anything interpersonal, but my jam is marriage and family. It’s a wonder I emerged from left-leaning institutions a far-right, Christian conservative, America-loving, Bible thumper. Fortunately, I teach at an institution that hasn’t succumbed to the chains of DEI, pronoun politeness, or anti-American Marxism. But that wasn’t always the case.

Years ago, as the wave of woke began drowning the nation, my then institution was swallowed by the tsunami. Clinging to floating debris, alongside a faithful few, we tried in vain to patch the seawall of sanity. The surge captured many in student development, faculty, administrators, and even the student body. Ironically, it was reported that some woke students cut off their non-woke tuition-paying parents. Back in those days, it wasn’t uncommon to receive a courageous anonymous note slanderously accusing me of racism, misogyny, or misgendering. Such bravery.

Ideologies detached from objective truth captured the ivory towers long ago. Remember the poor metaphorical frog that was placed in a pot of lukewarm water until brought to a boil, unaware of the progressive heat until it was too late? The frog, which is the endless stream of young men and women herded like cattle through slaughterhouses of woke universities peddling cultural marxism and leftist ideologies, is completely clueless. The frog is toast. I’m mixing metaphors, but you get the point–in the end, neither the frog nor the cow makes it.

Every May, nearly three million students are spit out from the collegiate conveyor belt and embedded in the vast American economic complex, from school and medical boards to corporate and media boards to legal and consumer boards. Some are unbent to the propaganda. Others, though, activate, unleashing with reckless abandon the untethered-from-reality propaganda that Professor-Dearest filled them with, ultimately spoiling the American people and rotting communities nationwide.

So what’s the fix?

Maybe it’s time conservatives built their own institutions–I’ve heard that argument, and it’s not bad. We have seen a conservative economic complex spring up as a sane alternative to those who hate you but gladly take your dollars, donating them to blood thirsty non-profits keen on slaughtering the unborn, perverting and transing the kids, spreading anti-American values–and that’s just before lunch. But what about at the collegiate level?

With the same zeal and courage to pursue outlawing the unconscionable practice of, let’s say, baby dismemberment or butchering children–both of which destroy our nation’s ability to flourish and threaten its continuity–conservative administrations should pursue the defunding of institutions and programs that undermine the same. Most of which starts from the top down. So here’s my napkin idea. Hear me out.

With thousands of degree-granting institutions, nearly all receive government funding–that’s the Trojan Horse in. POTUS assembles a special task force, borrowing from Musk’s DOGE. Adjust the name a bit–call it DOHEE–Department of Higher Education Efficiency—DOHEE, pronounced DOUGH (like too many doughnuts make you fat–too much propaganda fattens students out of slim and trim objective truth). We bring in Daily Wire’s modern-day philosopher, Matt Walsh, to administer the pass/fail question of the century to anyone on payroll: “What is a woman?” BAM–Mass firings overnight! Fraud, waste, and abuse from peddling ideas detached from objective truth, morality, and reality on the taxpayer’s dime are eliminated. But until I get Trump, Musk, and Walsh on Zoom, change from the bottom up is on you, the parent.

Your children are your God-given responsibility. Stop sending them and your money to slaughterhouses (and boiling pots) that hate your values and where objective truth goes to die. Where your children are spit out unrecognizable ideologs married to the leftist religion: breaking down and setting on fire structures of order and stability in the free world. As a positive consequence of saving their souls from course curricula full of conservative contempt, you may save Junior & June-et from the scam of drowning debt, the lion’s den of hookup prostitution masquerading as dating, and their liver from Thirsty Thursdays.

Stop virtue signaling in your social circles and pull your head out of the rear end of your social-less media, and actually behave virtuously. As Dr. Albert Mohler, President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, so eloquently said recently, “I want to ask some Christian parents, why do you make educational decisions at the college and university level that conflict with what you just said about those institutions?” 

Do your God-given due diligence and meticulously inspect those institutions. It may mean skipping the college experience or keeping your children close to home. Ultimately, it means one thing: Quit punting on your parental responsibilities to guard, guide, and direct your children, and create a consistent culture in your home intentionally grounded and committed to objective truth and the Word of God. Set up Junior and June-et properly to face the broader culture and “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God” (2 Cor. 10:5).

Families will be made great again across our nation when parents return to God and consistently apply time-tested biblical principles of parental instruction, protection, and authority to love, lead, teach, and protect their children unapologetically, regardless of what’s happening at the cultural, political, or educational levels. 

Only then will alien agendas in the ivory towers be cast into the abyss.

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