In the classic Christmas film It’s a Wonderful Life, the main character, George Bailey, played by Jimmy Stewart, is the archetype of a Protestant American male from small-town USA. He has grand ambitions but a greater sense of duty to his family and people. He wants to travel the world but decides on his way out that he must instead fight to maintain his father’s Building and Loan in the wake of his father’s unexpected death. Contrary to Ben Shapiro’s analysis, in which he casts Bailey as the villain for making irresponsible loans, Bailey actually is the hero because he gives of his own charity and builds something one cannot put a price tag on, a community of love and trust. Still, Bailey struggles throughout the entire film with feeling satisfied with the way his life turned out. He did not choose to stay home in a rather unexciting job while his brother became a war hero and then a business mogul. In reality, George Bailey was going through something many middle-aged men go through, something that has been exacerbated by technology.
Mid-Life Blues
Earlier this year, a friend approaching forty years old confided in me how difficult it was for many in his cohort to watch as guys like me and others had real influence with people, while he and others were not listened to at all. They felt invisible. Since then, two other friends around the same age have shared similar sentiments. It seems like the important things in life are happening out there. I can confidently say that the problem my middle-aged friends describe does not go away when you have a little bit of a platform like I do. In fact, I think tasting some of that influence may make it worse. There is always someone with more influence, who people listen to more, or who simply is invited inside the circles you wish you were included in.
I would like to think I am above the fray. It is true that I do tend to rejoice when others are successful, even if they use the same message I am using to get there. But I do sometimes struggle when attractive, bad ideas I am trying to oppose get a positive hearing. In those moments, I wish people would listen to what I am saying instead and wonder what I am doing wrong that they do not find what I say as compelling. I do not think this must necessarily be envy-driven. Like George Bailey, I tend to blame myself for my own perceived failures. But at the root, there is a frustration driven by a feeling of insignificance.
It is the feeling one gets when they think their life should have gone a particular way, but it did not, and the unmet expectations can cause depression and, if left unchecked, jealousy. Many guys thought they would own a home and do not, or would have a wife and three kids, only to run up against singleness, divorce, or fertility issues. The online world makes it worse, as the algorithm pushes an endless stream of people enjoying the life you should have had in front of you.
Decietful Rites of Passage
Men want respect, which usually means being validated in the community of men when they first become a man. This rite of passage, universal to every culture I can think of, has completely broken down in our society. To become a man, one must prove himself, but when does that happen exactly? Is it when a man kills his first deer? Is it when he gets married? Is it when he completes college? In lieu of clear answers to these questions, many young men rack up kills on video games and among friends on social media.
Do you remember the first time you ratioed someone? Older people may scoff at the very idea that social media following means much of anything since it lacks any kind of qualifying standard to achieve. But the reality is, this is how many young men find and express approval that convinces them they are making a significant impact. Just the other day, a Zoomer friend of mine told me with pride about a meme he created a decade ago that became a popular meme format. People do not know it came from him, but he feels a sense of accomplishment every time he sees it used.
During 2020, there was a great fear of getting fired, doxed, and ostracized for opposing the social justice movement. I was one of the young men targeted for my defense of monuments in general, including ones to Confederate soldiers in particular. It was lonely. But something happened. In 2025, it is popular not just to be politically incorrect, but also unnecessarily edgy. In fact, it is how you build a platform. It will still get you in trouble in institutional settings to say things offensive to the liberal order, but in certain circles, it takes about as much courage as it did in 2020 to oppose whiteness. I have seen more misguided positive depictions of Hitler in the past year than I think I have in my entire life before this.
What is happening here?
I think it partially relates to our lack of a rite of passage and the desire to be listened to. Shocking content takes little work, receives much attention for the moment, and offending the powers that be seems brave. My middle-aged friends are not involved in this and see through it for what it is. But I imagine it is frustrating for them to watch an emerging value system reward people for degraded things when they have put in the hard work of remaining personally virtuous, supporting their family, and fulfilling their social duties.
The Modern George Baileys
I know them, and they are the George Baileys of our time. Without them, we simply do not have a community. They volunteer to help those in need. They attend their children’s activities. They make sure their wife’s vehicle is in running condition before their own. They attend church and put money in the collection plate. They pay taxes and contribute to charities. They vote their conscience. They go to bed exhausted and start the whole process over the next day. They wonder sometimes if it will be like this forever and determine that even if it is, they will still go the distance for everything they love. They see what happened to Charlie Kirk and want to do something to fill his shoes, but simply do not have the bandwidth to study political issues and spend time on college campuses arguing with students when they are planning family day and volunteering to give blood or trimming an elderly widow’s hedges the next day. They are the true unsung heroes, but it is hard for them to see it, just like it was for George Bailey.
The reality is, middle aged man, your hair may grow thinner, your sprint time may slow down, your free time may dissipate, your doctor may tell you to watch the carbs, your civic leaders may take your volunteering for granted, if you are married your marriage may even be strained at times, and your kids may not exactly be angels all the time. But you are the unsung heroes of our country, and somewhere deep down, we know it.
Frank Capra, an Italian Catholic, and Philip Van Doren Stern, who wrote the short story it was based on, and was of Bavarian Jewish descent, recognized something about the seemingly average Protestant American male, something that, without his presence, death spiraled society into Pottersville. The battle of Bedford Falls is still the most important social battle and always will be.
I am going to reveal something I have not said before. Every week, at least a few times, I wonder whether or not all my podcasting, speaking, book publishing, and documentary film work has been as important as the local battles around me. I struggle to figure out whether I should hang it up and devote more of my time to my church and community. I do what I can already, but could I do more if I had a nine-to-five? These are the questions that go through my mind because I know deep down the difference one man can make on the local level has a ripple effect greater than that man can even see himself. Long after my podcast is forgotten, the echo of my influence will still be in my children and, hopefully, my church and the region I live in.
Middle-class American man, first, I want to say not only are you a real man, you are the reason civilization continues to exist in the first place. Second, your significance is planted deeply around you in ways that maybe it would take a Clarence to convince you of. I am no Clarence. But I do know what David in Psalm 128:1-4 says is true.
How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, Who walks in His ways. When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, You will be happy and it will be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine Within your house, Your children like olive plants Around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed Who fears the Lord.
Enjoy your reward. Merry Christmas!
