Scripture teaches us that men cannot believe the gospel unless it’s told to them, and they cannot be told unless someone is sent (Romans 10:14-15). While I am not comparing manly skills to proclaiming the Gospel, a simple principle is laid out for us in that scripture:
Men can’t know what they don’t know.
Grown men cannot know what their fathers don’t teach them. We are living in a society full of grown men who know nothing about being a man. The men in their lives either were absent or took their knowledge for granted and never passed it on. You don’t have to look very hard to find a young man who is angry and despises the previous generation for not teaching them basic skills.
Presented here are 10 things you should teach your son before he grows up and moves out. Obvious discernment is needed in each of these depending on age (you don’t give a power saw to a 3-year-old boy, or put him outside in 100-degree weather and ask him to dig a ditch). Regardless of their age, it is never too early to begin modeling these things for them at the least.
If your boys are young and you don’t have the knowledge yourself, you have time to learn. If they’re older and you don’t have the knowledge, you can learn together. You don’t have to be an expert in every area. A little knowledge goes a long way, as the majority of these skills require basic knowledge that is widely applicable.
Work ethic
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” —Colossians 3:23
I have had many discussions with men who manage a job site, and they lament over the problems of finding men who will work. This drags down production, reduces workplace morale, and increases workload and stress. It’s bad for the economy and bad for society. Many men just don’t want to work in the modern world.
I remember working with a male (I refuse to call him a man) who told me he was ready to quit because he made more money on unemployment than his current job. Instead, he fancied staying at home and playing Xbox.
Man was created for work, and when he doesn’t have something to keep him busy, he will find something to do. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as unemployment rates rise, crime rises with it. Even in my small town, crimes are increasing, especially among teenage boys who clearly have too much time on their hands.
The adage is true, “idle hands are the devil’s playground.” Teach your boy the value of hard work. Hard work not only produces more income for his family, but it’s hard to get into trouble when you’re ready to go to bed by 8:00 PM. When you work hard, you have more to lose, and thus a lower tolerance for fooling behavior. Thomas Chalmers said, “Soft hands are evident of a soft mind.” Get your boys out in the yard. Let them get splinters in their hands, blisters, and break a sweat. Let them see you doing the same and model the hard work even with small injuries. Men need grit, both mental and physical, to power through a tough job and get it done. Employers do not want men who need to take a week off because they hurt their finger, or their back is sore. Soft and lazy boys grow into soft and lazy men.
We must teach our boys to work for the Lord, who knows the hearts and minds of men. He knows when we are trying to cheat and work the system, and when we are truly trying to give glory to Him through our sweat and toil. This means working towards perfection in all things. Christ is our example, and it was said of Him, that He “did all things well.”
Car Maintenance
If we believe that all good gifts “come down from the Father of Lights,” then our possessions are gifts from the Lord. That means we have been given stewardship over them and should take care of them the best we can. You can certainly pay another man to take care of your vehicle, but not only is that very expensive, but it is also not very manly.
Do you have a Bible verse for that, Justin? No, but you know it to be true. Men who work on cars are respected by other men and make their wives glad. Women hate taking their vehicles to someone they do not know or trust because they can, and often are, easily deceived into spending money where it’s not needed. It is a comfort to a wife knowing that her car has been maintained by her husband who loves her, and if there is an issue, her mechanic is only a phone call away.
I am not saying every man needs to be an ASE Certified Master Technician, in the same way every man does not need to be a New Testament scholar. However, simple knowledge of your own vehicles and how to maintain them will not only be a comfort to your wife but save you tremendous time and money.
Thus, the first part is knowing these skills yourself, the second part means passing your knowledge down to your sons. They need to know the importance of such work, as stated above, and with it will come the duty of keeping up with their own stuff. Let them get their hands greasy, bust a knuckle or two, and get frustrated finding that 10mm socket, all while spending time with dad.
Simple Home Repairs
Similar principles from car maintenance carry over to the home. I put this here from my own experience in that I wish I had gained this knowledge from my own dad when I was younger. I was far more interested in cars since houses are not slick or shiny and don’t make loud noises.
When you become a homeowner, you become a de facto contractor unless you have a good-paying job. If you think mechanic work is expensive, look at the labor rates for HVAC, plumbers, and electricians!
This lesson hit home a few years ago when I discovered our dishwasher (which I installed incorrectly) had slowly leaked for months. This caused our laminate flooring to swell and buckle, destroyed part of our kitchen cabinets, and mold began to grow on the drywall behind the cabinets and the subfloor.
I thank the Lord for a patient father who helped walk me through everything, but it was extremely overwhelming for someone who hardly knew how to operate a circular saw. But those other skills of work ethic and mechanical knowledge, the ones my own dad had instilled in me, helped get me through it successfully.
Teach your boys basic carpentry skills (I.e. how to select wood, operate tools, properly measure and cut materials, different types of screws and nails, etc.) Just like mechanic work, you may need to learn before you can teach.
Biblical Finances
You don’t need to have a degree in accounting to teach your son basic money skills. Simple principles of not spending more than you make, creating a budget, and biblical teachings on envy and coveting will save them a lot of heartache in the future.
This is one area you can start very young. There are several options, such as the company Greenlight, that allow you to show them how to manage money. Apps like this allow you to transfer money to an account, divide their funds for spending, saving, and giving, and give them a sense of responsibility and control over their own money.
When they work hard for money, they learn that stuff is not free and that if they want it, it’s going to cost them. In our experience, this means they become more mindful about how they spend their money. They will still occasionally seek to blow money on frivolous things, but that is when wise counsel from their father comes in.
Hunting and Fishing
I use a rather simple catechism question for my son:
Question: “What do men do?”
Response: “Protect and provide”
How this plays out is manifold, but I do believe men should be able to do the most basic of all manly skills—put food on the table. This means being able to go find food, outside of a grocery store, and provide for a family.
I am not one for doomsday, storing 10 years’ worth of food in a bomb shelter, type of prepping. However, things like the COVID-19 fiasco showed us all how fragile our commerce economy is. How quickly grocery stores can be emptied, and how people will become violent when they can’t find food. I believe it falls under the duty of a man to be capable of finding alternatives for his family in these situations.
Not only are hunting and fishing enjoyable and good recreation, but they are also practical. Knowing how to harvest and clean wild game is not only manly but will again bring comfort to a man’s family knowing no matter what happens, dad can get us food. There is something quite satisfying as a man having food on the table that you harvest.
I understand some are limited in their ability to do this because of geographic location, but that brings us to the next skill.
Farming
I don’t think I have ever met a boy who doesn’t like playing in the dirt. There is something about the feel of cool soil between your fingers. Farming can be done virtually everywhere. In small pots on apartment balconies and windowsills, to large backyard gardens. If you have sunlight, water, and dirt, you can grow food. The key to farming is food storage, as you will inevitably grow far more than you can eat and keep.
Within this category also comes knowing how to preserve food. This can be done through preserves, jelly, jam, canning, pickling, vacuum sealers, freezing, etc. Not only will this save a family money and provide for food for emergencies, but it also combines some of the other skills we have already discussed. Anyone who must weed a garden knows what I mean.
Music and Poetry
This does not mean your boy needs to only listen to Bach or Mozart, look at Rembrandt or Monet, sing Watts or Newton, or only read Poe and Bunyan—but they should know and appreciate who those men were. They should be held up as standards for comparison of modern forms of art.
Expose them to true art, or even better, have them learn how to produce true art. Greater appreciation comes from the man who has attempted what the master has done. Whether you’re listening to Mozart, Miles Davis, or Metallica, a greater appreciation for the work is given when you know something about playing and writing music.
Social Etiquette
“…for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks at the heart.”—1 Samuel 16:7
Some use this verse to justify going out in public wearing their pajamas, forgetting that men cannot see the heart, but only the outside. Some may say that, like Paul, they don’t care what others think, which can be admirable. The issue is that you aren’t being interviewed by Jesus for a job. The father of the girl you want to marry is not Jesus. First, and second, impressions have a lot of weight.
Teaching your boys to dress well, speak well, and carry themselves well, will carry them far. A humble, yet confident young man who is articulate and polite will be far more successful and glorifying to God than one who is arrogant, aloof, mumbling, and disheveled.
Seek to root out social awkwardness when possible.
Teach them to open doors for ladies, take their hats off inside, keep their mouth shut while eating, sit up straight, not drag their feet, look others in the eyes, give a strong handshake, say “yes, sir” and “no, ma’am”, and be generous.
If you don’t think these are important, go down to your local mall and watch today’s teenage boys. You’ll see the importance.
Biblical Exegesis
I save this for last not because it is of the least importance, but so that you remember it the most.
The single most important thing you can teach your son is how to properly read, interpret, understand, and apply the Word of God. If He is to become another man’s son-in-law, he must be able to take the role of shepherding his daughter, and their future children. Failure to do so can lead to an innumerable number of problems from marriage, to choice of church, and even apostasy.
Before he leaves your care, make sure he has a good grasp of systematic and biblical theology, orthodox creeds and confessions, and a basic understanding of Church History and common heresies. If a man is to protect and provide, this includes spiritual protection and provision. Remember, this is the area where Adam failed. To neglect this area is to neglect the future of your family.
Conclusion
These opportunities to teach your son will inevitably lead to spiritual and life conversations that cannot be valued. Even if you are learning together, there is a greater and deeper reason for teaching our boys these things beyond mere callused hands, but soft hearts and love for the Lord.
More than likely you will find yourself having to learn these things and implement them into your own life before teaching them.
That’s okay.
Very few of us have been blessed in this way, and it presses the importance of being connected to a local church with the support of other Godly men who are seeking the same things. If there is no such group at your church, create one.
Wherever you are starting, God blesses faith and obedience. Small acts of faith are blessed by the Lord and magnified. We will inevitably fail, repeatedly, but that’s no excuse to quit. God does not allow us. Typically, the more masculine your boy is, the more rambunctious and independent he will be. We must learn to teach him to channel that masculine energy into something constructive, otherwise it will become destructive. Keep sowing, be consistent and God will bring the increase.
May we raise the next generation of godly, masculine men.
